Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
