Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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