Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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