btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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