She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
