It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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