remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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