Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
