how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
