Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
