But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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