Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm both gender and math confused
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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