I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
