My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
