Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize