I hate your face
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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