marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
