I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
