So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
