so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
