yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
