Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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