They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
