You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
