i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
