So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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