Already got asked if we're dating
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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