Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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