I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I want to be your penis for a week.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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