Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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