In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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