Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
