Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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