hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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