and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
