I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize