the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
