Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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