Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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