allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
