I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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