I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
