that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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