Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The power of my boobs compel you
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
