it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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