My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
