How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize