Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
