3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
