it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
