you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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