it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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