my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
