Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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