Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
