That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
