You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
