Tell her she can't have a vagina
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
