I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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