Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
