I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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