I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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