Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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