He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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