Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
