man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
