Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
