hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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