He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He better not be in your backpack
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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