You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
